The secret to turkey so good you'd kill for it

Ok, maybe that's too strong. Still, hear me out. The secret to a good turkey is the stuffing. Right? Of course.

I have stumbed upon the world's greatest stuffing recipe, courtesy of some expeditious Googling, a little improvisation and some sage advice my Roman butcher gave me this morning. Trust me, your family and friends will be talking about your turkey clear through Christmas if you follow this recipe.

Here goes:
(erm, I have to give you the metric version. Ask the younger generation what this would equal in cups, saucers and spoons.)

For a 10 lb bird
1 loaf of old, stale bread. A good loaf. Not Wonder.
A good clump of fresh parsley.
Celery
Onions
Carrots
150 grams of sliced pancetta
600 grams of chestnuts
1/2 kilo of "polpa di maglie" or minced pork
4-5 eggs
a glug of milk
12 teaspoons of Cognac (yes, this is the secret ingredient!). For those of you wondering, yes, Armagnac works just as well.

1. Boil water. Throw in chestnuts for 30 mins. Afterwards, deshell and throw contents into a bowl. Chuck in the blender. Blend.
2. Cut your bread into cubes. Crack open the eggs and add the milk. Mix together to get a mushy mash of old yellow bread. Add diced parsley. Add the diced onions. Add the diced celery. Add the diced carrots. Mix more.
3. Throw the pancetta into a blender and whip up into a mash.
4. In a big bowl, add your mushy bread, your pancetta mash, the chesnut mash and the minced pork. Mix well.
5. Add your cognac.
6. Let sit for half-hour.
7. Turn your oven on.

Now, prepare your bird. (it really should be sourced from your local butcher and not one of those plastic, tasteless, Butterball creations, but even if it is, we got you covered.)
1. Rub the outside of your turkey and in the cavity with a clove of garlic.
2. Sprinkle salt on same.
3. If you are feeling decadent, throw a tablespoon of the Cognac into the cavity as well.

After the half hour lapses, fill your bird with the stuffing.
Place in the oven. After 20 mins. Drizzle a glass of white wine on the bird. Repeat after an hour. Keep covered for duration of cooking.

Enjoy!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Buon Ringraziamento!